Death. 

It's hard. It's frustrating, sad, unpleasant. People don't want to talk about it.

It can also be relieving... depending on the circumstance. 

Mostly, though, it's sad.

I could say something extremely poetic such as, "On Saturday, September 15, 2018, my grandma passed over into the next world. We knew her time would come soon... but it came a little sooner than we thought. We will miss her dearly. We will see you again." Saying such a thing is true in my mind, but not enough. Not enough to explain the fullness and importance of her life. Not enough to show you her loveliness, her sharp wit & character. Not enough to just... experience her.

When I would visit her, she always smiled. She smiled when people came in her door, when they would crack a joke or even just when something delightful happened. I have almost no memories of her where she wasn't having a good time. (Maybe that's because when I was little, the times I got to see her were when we were doing fun things.) Now, I know that woman had regular frustrations and irritations! She was a real person who was strongly opinionated and liked things just so! Deviating from those things likely caused visceral reactions from her; though, I feel as though she tried to not be overpowering about it with us grand kids.

She loved family gatherings. She would break out the nice dishes for Christmas and Thanksgiving and we would all enjoy a wonderful feast. We would all help clean up, and the ladies would hand wash what wouldn't fit in the dishwasher while the guys "watched football" in the living room. (They were really passed out.)

There are at least two family picnics a year - one with the Joneses and one with the Schafers. I always looked forward to those. She was adamant on doing those every year. I enjoy those picnics, as do our kids.

Grandma had her home very organized and put together. There were nice things in every corner and pretty clothes in her closets. She had very good taste. She was meticulous.

Every picture she has taken ends up in an album. She has dozens of albums. Trips. Family gatherings. Cousins visiting. Friends.

When Mo was about 5 or 6, I wanted to pull out an old album to show Moira a picture of me when I was her age . When I asked Grandma if I could do that, she told me to "be very careful with it." In all honesty, I was a tad offended. I'm a grown woman, for Pete's sake! She made us sit at the table to view it. Part of the way through, one of our kids had to use the restroom. I left the book out so I could continue when they were done. When I came out about five minutes later, the book had been put away!  I didn't have the nerve to ask her if I could get it out again. That memory makes me laugh. Was she sitting in her chair with her mental focus on us having that book out?! Or did she happen to look over and see we were gone? haha We all have our thing, don't we?  (I remember her stating that since there were a lot of people at her house, she didn't want it to get ruined. I think maybe, though, my clutsy nature was a prominent factoid in her mind. Better safe than sorry!)

She was smart, kind, funny. Her laugh rings in my head. There have been times I have caught myself laughing like her. That makes me smile.

Once, she and grandpa dropped off a stuffed bunny rabbit for Easter at my work when Moira was a baby. I happened to be on break, so I missed them. I asked my co-worker which grandma dropped it off. She laughed and said, "The one that looks like you!"  Honestly, it hadn't occurred to me that I truly look like any of my grandparents. 

She was good at remembering holidays and including her great grandchildren, passing on a little treat to all of them. She was also really good at sending birthday cards.

She was truthful. If she felt it needed to be said, she said it.

She did not drink... at all.

She was loyal. She cheered at all of the grand kids' events, came to the births of new babies and spent countless years of her life supporting grandpa and contributing to his business his Bomber Group events. They were just like extended family to them.

She loved to take trips.

She liked to hold hands.

She always said, "God Bless You," when leaving.

She was independent and determined. She never wanted to be in assisted living. She never wanted to have to depend on others; so, her kids took really good care of her, a testament of their parents, for sure. For that, I know she was grateful.

She and grandpa set goals to live to be 100. Grandpa died five years ago just days after his 90th birthday. Grandma just turned 91 in August.

... and here we are. Saying good-bye.



It's hard.



I love you, Grandma. I miss you already.